so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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