I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
