I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
