Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
