Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
