she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
