Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
