even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
