last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
