he thought i was a dude.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
