its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
