I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
