I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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