Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize