Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
