Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
