My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
