shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
