Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
