I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
