Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
