I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
