Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
