She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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