You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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