she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
