I am puke
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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