Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
