I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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