my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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