can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
