Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i came on her dog
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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