Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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