This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
