I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
