He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
