So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
