I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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