You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
