I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
