I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
wow bdsm is so cute
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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