we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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