I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
