People in love make me want to vomit
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
