Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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