Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
