Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
