remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
