why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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