I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
