This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize