Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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