Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
