she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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