You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Boobs are out for the taking
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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