Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.