For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?