Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.