I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
