The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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