where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
