I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize