in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
