hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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