so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
