Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she peed on how many people?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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